i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
