what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
