it was like his penis was on wheels.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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