would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
