i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
