Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
