I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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