Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
