i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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