Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
