I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
