U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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