Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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