who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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