I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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