So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
