My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
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