I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
