you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
