Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
