It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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