oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
