So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
