Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
