no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
