The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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