it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
