I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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