Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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