lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
