it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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