There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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