I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
