glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
