My first STD was from a foam party
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
