oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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