I got chris browned last night
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
