well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
