I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
