she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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