Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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