that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
