thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
