The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
