She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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