dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
