I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
How naked do you want me to be?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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