Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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