You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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