he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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