I just made out with a guy for $7.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
