Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
