Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
