How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
