Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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