You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
