I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
